Smoking Guns and Smoking Housewives

luann-de-lesseps-smokingSo I’m fascinated that the New York Housewives are starting to let it all hang out, smoking-wise, these days.

I live in a world where absolutely no-one smokes, even at parties, even at bars. But I was a heavy-duty smoker for years. I used to stay up until three am, writing, smoking and drinking coffee. I smoked at parties. I smoked to wake up. I smoked to relax. It almost killed me to quit.

That’s the kind of smoker I was. I wonder what kind of smokers these ladies are. I feel like Jules is one of those only-sneak-a-cig a few times a week ladies. Frankly, I envy her. If I could do that, I’d still be sneaking a cig. But For me, one puff and I go buy a carton.

But what about Luanne? She seems more the full-ashtray-by-the-nighstand type. That throaty voice of hers didn’t come out of nowhere. But how does she do it? How does she film all day without a smoke? I know I couldn’t have done it. I would have never been about to keep my composure under stressful situations without a smoke break. And how does her skin look so amazing if she is a full-on huffer?

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Coochie Coo

Jules reaction

Number one suspicious thing about Jules’ damaged vagina is that no one is asking her exactly how she damaged it. Seriously. This nosy group has accepted the bare minimum explanation without follow-up? Without their usual interrogation? Seems fishy to say the least.

Here is the type of conversation we would normally expect:

Jules: I damaged my vagina. Here’s a picture.

Ramona: Oh my god!

Jules: It was a pistachio; now it’s a peanut.

Ramona: How the hell did that happen?

Jules: I was crawling through a window. Look at this picture.

Ramona: What do you mean? How? I mean, why? Why were you crawling through a window? How could you fall that hard? I mean seriously, you must have fallen from six feet in the air? I mean what happened, really.

Then maybe Jules would stutter in a panicked  fashion and the next scene would be Ramona running to tell Carole and Bethany.

I can imagine this being a story line that would run through at least three or four episodes. At least. It seems like exactly the sort of thing Carole and Bethany would not let go of. Seriously, this is so much more interesting than Carole and her ki-en and really, far more juicy than Jules’ eating disorder.

Two questions remain:

How did Jules do that much damage to her vagina? I mean really, precisely, exactly how?

And, why don’t the other women ask her about it?